Poverty, Bad Governance stoke fires of Domestic Violence

By Valerian Kkonde

PEARL NEWS SERVICE

Jane Margaret left the marriage but the scars remain. PNS Photo

The Uganda Demographic Health Survey 2011 indicates that 56% of women between 15 to 49 years of age experience physical violence while 28% experience sexual violence every year.

According to CEDOVIP report on the Economic Cost of Domestic Violence (2012), every year Uganda spends sh 77 billion; individuals spend sh 21 billion; while Police, Healthcare workers and Courts of Law spend sh 56 billion to address domestic violence.

That all these are taking place with the Domestic Violence Act 2010 in place, speaks volumes about the consequences of failure to implement well-intentioned policies.

Jane Margaret’s story, true name concealed, is further proof that many Ugandans are indeed paying the price of bad governance to the extent that some are paying with their own life.

Born March 25, 1985 Jane Margaret’s dreams of being happily married and bringing up her children turned out to be a nightmare. Circumstances forced here into being a single mother of a girl born in 2008 and a boy born in 2013.

The death of her father in 2005 was the turning point in her life. Jane Margaret had just completed her Uganda Advanced Certificate of Education (UACE) and was looking forward to joining university.

“I always thought that by joining the university, my road to success was a sure deal. I always looked at the three years at university as the way to success and happiness. But with the death of my father, all those dreams were shattered!”

Jane Margaret, immediately after the death of her father, accepted the bitter truth that with the death of the sole bread-earner very often hard times set in.

The only way out, like in majority Ugandan poverty-stricken families, was to marry her to a man presumed well off in terms of finances. The rich trailer driver was the mother’s choice. The only advantage of this “marriage” was that Jane Margaret “was able to pursue a Diploma in Cosmetology but what followed was torture and break up of the family relationship on both sides.”

According to Jane Margaret, the rich trailer driver was not considering her as a wife but a slave, “a sex slave.”

“The man used to rape me while I was experiencing my menstrual periods! And he would insist that that is when he likes sex most!”

Jane Margaret told PNS that the worst experience was two weeks after her first born. The man wanted to engage her in sex! The way out was to run to her mother who nursed her for two months.

Jane Margaret’s biggest disappointment was her mother’s failure to appreciate the tribulations of the so called marriage.

“The man used to insist that he had paid for my Diploma course and if I was not willing to meet his demands then I should get all the money he spent on my education and my family and refund it all at once!”

While Jane Margaret’s family could not come to terms with the thought of ending a relationship with a man who was comfortably looking after them, Police too was insisting that those were family matters.

“When I set up a beauty salon, I used to make some good money but the man was making life and work difficult. If he happened to be at home, he would tell me to stay around reasoning that he was more important than my work. He used to tell me that when he is traversing the East African countries, in his trailer, he is alone and that I have to accord him maximum attention when he is around.

“The times I insisted that I had very valued customers who I had to attend to personally, he would, after some time, follow me to the salon. He would keep passing by and would even come inside and look at the people in an inquisitive way. My salon attended to men and women.”

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Jane Margaret finally decided to terminate her relationship with the man after the second-born in 2013.

That meant that she had to find work in a place where the man could not locate her and at the same time be able to cater for the needs of the mother who was staying with the children, among other demands.

Due to widespread poverty across the country, many parents and guardians opt for marriage of their girls to people they consider rich, as a way to escape poverty. As Jane Margaret’s mother pestered her to return to the man, she made up her mind to cut off any physical contacts with the mother. Jane Margaret had already given up her long-time phone number to keep off the father of her two children.

The man was rough and kept threatening violence. He used to swear that he would one day do something that Jane Margaret will leave to regret, and that he will never stop following her up until she was down in her grave.

She got a close friend whose phone she used whenever she wanted to communicate to the mother. She even told the mother to always communicate to her through the friend. The friend was very close to her and had offered never to give Jane Margaret’s phone number to any other person. Jane Margaret had employed this friend as a hair-dresser in the salon. Because she was hard working, trustworthy and well behaved, they became great friends. She became Jane Margaret’s confidante.

“Towards the end of 2013, I made contacts with friends who were trading in South Sudan. Although they used to tell me that life was hard there, the suffering I had endured made me to believe that I had already witnessed the worst. I was ready for anything.”

In South Sudan, Jane Margaret settled in the Western Equatorial State in Yambio town. South Sudanese generally referred to by Ugandans as Dinkas, are rough people and behave rather primitively.

“Life in South Sudan was rough. Those people often accused us of going there with the intent of stealing their property. Yet it was they who kept on stealing our merchandise, trucks and failing to pay for our services.

“Ugandans were kept behind bars on trumped up charges, roughed up and some were killed. The war complicated the matters. It was real hell. But at first I pitied myself that better in hell in a foreign land than at home. My friend had joined me in South Sudan but did not stay long due the hostile situation. 

“Time came when I could no longer cope with the situation and the unfortunate alternative was to return home. Returning to the state of a fugitive is the last I would think of experiencing during my life. Even the thought of my mother pestering me to return to the father of my children gives me sleepless nights. That is how she always behaves whenever in need of something.”

Jane Margaret is simply the face of the numerous victims of Domestic Violence who have no one to turn to. And bad governance plays a key role in acerbating the vice. President Yoweri Museveni has been in power since 1986. He came to power after a five year bloody guerrilla war.

Typical of such regimes is the failure to respect rule of law and order, oppression, dysfunctional institutions and anti-people policies. Clinging to power is what concerns them most while the masses wallow in abject poverty.

The Roman Catholic Church decided to dedicate the Advent Season- the four weeks that precedes Christmas- to a campaign of appealing to the general public to end Domestic Violence and also call on government to play its part by coming up with pro people policies whose absence leads to avoidable violence and death in the homes.

Men too are victims of Domestic Violence but they are overshadowed by the over 90% women who suffer at the hands of men.

Jane Margaret is lucky she is still alive and genuinely strives to be independent, financially. But the conditions need to improve so that she can go about her work without having to keep looking over her shoulders. But for this to happen, government, parents and society at large have to be the other’s keeper. Only then can the Jane Margarets of Uganda talk of sustainable peace and development.